Return
Julie Deeks
The bite of the accent flings me back to a childhood
Spoken lilting, full of staccato vowels
And throat clearing k’s.
It has seeped from me slowly without my noticing
And now I am reminded of a ghost –
An identity I once inhabited,
The jigsaw pieces that made up me
I didn’t know were missing, until now.
Hand in glove we slip into our old souls,
Forgetting momentarily who we’ve become.
We are teenagers again.
I find the room where I ebbed and flowed,
Played out my futures, crises.
I find the wall where my words made their mark -
Not in anger or rebellion
But to stamp the world with a presence
I was not yet sure of –
A reassurance, a reminder of existence.
I spent so long trying to escape;
To grow, to become,
I forgot that it raised me and made me and became me.
It lies dormant until opened on return
and awakes, cleaving me in two,
Rushing back to sting me over and over with memories.